Abuse seems less painful when you can blame it on their story Rather than the man. Your arms are used to holding up these pieces. You're used to being there when times are rough. It's familiar. When he hurts you. So, it's ok. You know how to deal. You know that his anger is really just fear Caused by someone other than yourself. Because it's not really your fault at all. But it is always your fault You trigger him, You want him to feel strong So, it's ok. Just keep reminding him that he's not his pain. You can take the abuse. You can be strong for both of you. He's just weak sometimes Even though you would never say that to his face. You don't want to upset him. He gets upset easily. And you're just really sensitive. You understand him. He's just upset because you trigger him. Because he hasn't learned to settle his story. His last girlfriend fucked him up. And you want him to know that he's not his pain You just trigger him You love him. And he knows that Even if it doesn't always show. He just needs a little more time to understand that. He just needs a little more time to calm down. He just needs something to eat. He just had a bad day. He just has a hard time dealing with disappointment. He just has a hard time moving on. He just needs space. You just don't understand him like I do What is a body if not durable. You are stronger than you think. You have been beaten Sent three times to the hospital this year. You've endure more pain than any grade school bully After he goes home to show his drunk dad his report card. You woman, Take it all. And sometimes he rapes you But it was because he needed you. You said no too many times. He was scared that you didn't love him anymore. You understand. He is just misunderstood. People just don't get it. No one knows him like you do So they don't see the big picture. What are your tears, When others suffer too. Too much pain There are no tears left. He only cries in front of you. You haven't cried for years. Or maybe you cry everyday now. But you don't like to cry in front of him It upsets him You don't want him to be his pain He drinks a lot. He has a temper Just like his father Just like your father. Sometimes alcohol is a good chaser to the bad taste of pain It's the only time you feel comfortable being yourself around him. You don't like to talk about it anymore. In fact we don't talk about anything. I haven't seen you in a few months You never call. I wish you would just leave him. I wish it was that easy. I wish you knew how much I love you. I wish you knew how much it hurts to see you suffer. I wish you felt strong. I wish there was something I could do. RIP Domestic and Violently Abused Love Kills
I imagined for a few seconds, while I was waiting for my train, a conversation between me and a philosopher from the old ways of Greece or Rome. I imagined myself asking “what does it mean to be rich?” He responded eloquently in his white gown, “richness is not a matter of wealth rather a matter of pleasure.” I asked “well, can not pleasure be determined with what one can afford?” He responded smiling “yes… and no. Pleasure comes in all forms. A wealthy man can be without pleasure, and a poor woman can have as much pleasure as she pleases.” I imagined him pausing as he picked up a gold metal chalice to take a few big gulps of red wine. “Explore what is around you.” he said as he cleared his throat and puckered his lips. “You will find you do not need to buy a plane to fly or live in a palace to be happy. The world will present herself to you in time so long as you are both ready. Wealth is not richness, richness is best left as a way to describe food. Feed yourself. Trust that the gods will provide. That is if you know how to ask.”
Quite possibly the most beautiful vision I've ever had, came to me recently while I was still awake. Nature's brush strokes across every house and home. I saw the future in the most awe-inspiring way. There were no rulers, no bigots, no enemies. The only laws we had to measure were the laws of nature and the science of. It was our master. We were its consensual slave. We obeyed by its beautiful law. Everything was harmony. Everything was balance. And on a wall was a flag without color only words saying. I am earth, Mother, The ground you walk on I am the river that keeps you clean. I am the soil in which your bones will turn to dust Within me, lay the corpses of your ancestors I am your past, your present, but most of all your future I am the trees that shade you from blistered skins I am the plant that soothes your burns I am mother I feed all I am all I am the blood that runs through your veins The heart muscle the air in your lungs The wires in your brain We are the same. Treat me as you treat yourself Kill me and you kill yourself. I am destined to absorb you Hold you in my body I am mother I feed all I am all
I want to ask you to kiss me. Ask you to wet the surface of my lips Come closer to my body And Guide my hand though peaks and arches I want to map out the constellation of your mind Trace the blueprints of your bones. The sketches of your soul. I don’t want to feel this way But I have too... I don’t think there’s a choice Up all night because of you I barely sleep anymore, Thoughts causing my blood to boil beneath my chest Like an open fire Keeping the extremities of my body warm and conflicted A melting pot, Crucible in my heart Where armor is shaped and fitted to protect myself from pain I am convinced rest will only come when I see you again But I know how dizzy-drunk with desire I really am Poisoned and burned with lust and unwelcome adoration Breathless in its devotion to you I am simply seeking to be in the presence of your breath The presence of your umbra Watch how you move Study the details of your body Shadow with shadow palm to palm Painting the peaks and arches, Twisted angles and curves of your figure Feel my grip reach around you Squeezing you inward. As if you were always falling away. I would never let you go. And you Purlicues full with the weighted nature of my breasts Kissing the soft arch of my back I wish I could ask you to kiss me.
The easiest way to tell who you are Is by looking at the friends you keep. The company you seek. Because you are just one piece Of that whole god damn beast. When your friends cry You cry with them. And when your friends run You give them your number And say call me And I'll find you And when your friends are stuck You say fall on me I'll unbind you All my friends are fighters. The strongest warriors I have ever known Breaking bones with dreams alone Wise teachers with scars when they strip They show me not to absolve the wounds I might inflict. Carrying needle and thread at each of their hips Because their heart beat is too big for just one stitch I am so proud to be amongst this spirit To share this heart with you all I'm so glad we fight together Making it real to stand at all.
No! I'm the mother fucking Lorax I speak for the bees, These honey quaffing fleas don't got nothing on me! Please... I don't want your ragged old thneeds, I speak for the trees. I speak to the animals, The bears, And the weeds. And we messed up. So tear down those factories The awful smog pumping, billion dollar striptease. It's times like these Where nothing seems as it should be, Where we create to decimate What took so long to free. These lungs still breathe This heart still beats, See? See what has happened to the roots of our seed? I'm the Lorax And I speak for the breeze, The purple clouded, belly bearing breeze. To speak more specifically. Every time we cut past what we perceive as reality. The closer we press tightly Towards the open flame of insanity. So between you and me... Hold tight to your novelty You'll see things will work out eventually. Trust me.
Walking through weaves of tangled bodies. A jungle of broken and unkept smiles Flailing arms and uncertain strides. Watching thick legged women fluff their skirts While men saw their shoulders in their seats. As if to carve out their place on the train There are crowds of people for my eyes to weave through and untangle. Pausing for a moment to look at myself Observing myself as I do this Watching me watch others I wonder what they're thinking I wonder what your life was like Are you like me? Through the weaves of tangled bodies Jungles of broken and unkept smiles Maybe you're different.