Sometimes no matter how many times you lift someone up, They will always let you down. And sometimes the risk of loving is that you will have to pick yourself back up again And again and again and again Without help And all thoes times you've catched your friends Let them fall into your suicide net Is just a fraction moment of all their time spent on sorrow. Somedays love will lead you down the loneliest path. Because love has a habit of making people jump off moving trains And dive deep into murky waters. Always, Always! Make sure you are safe. Love will not always protect you from abuse, STD's or unexpected pregnancies. Love does not always pull the chord at the right time Love doesn't always know the difference between right and wrong And sometimes no matter how much you try to mash thoes private pieces together It just won't feel right. Love is a shield and a weapon A drug and a medicine. Your love is not a long term supplement for other people's deficiencies. So don't forget to Breathe! Deeply! Because you will be alone. Very alone. Never resist time spent with yourself But remember silence can kill. So keep talking. Writing Playing Creating Exercise Because sometimes you're the only one around to pick yourself back up. And thoes buckets of problems aren't easy to stack And don't lean well against a wall It will never be easy being you Love teaches failure. It will pull you apart until you have nothing left But love will always make you stronger Laughter is a miracle cure. But so is crying. I read once that in old age bad experiences are the first things we forget So laugh as much as possible Cry because it feels good Learn from your mother Breathe your way out of the pain it takes to create you Rumi once wrote "Gamble everything for love. If you are a true human." But Rumi was never a woman.
Abuse seems less painful when you can blame it on their story Rather than the man. Your arms are used to holding up these pieces. You're used to being there when times are rough. It's familiar. When he hurts you. So, it's ok. You know how to deal. You know that his anger is really just fear Caused by someone other than yourself. Because it's not really your fault at all. But it is always your fault You trigger him, You want him to feel strong So, it's ok. Just keep reminding him that he's not his pain. You can take the abuse. You can be strong for both of you. He's just weak sometimes Even though you would never say that to his face. You don't want to upset him. He gets upset easily. And you're just really sensitive. You understand him. He's just upset because you trigger him. Because he hasn't learned to settle his story. His last girlfriend fucked him up. And you want him to know that he's not his pain You just trigger him You love him. And he knows that Even if it doesn't always show. He just needs a little more time to understand that. He just needs a little more time to calm down. He just needs something to eat. He just had a bad day. He just has a hard time dealing with disappointment. He just has a hard time moving on. He just needs space. You just don't understand him like I do What is a body if not durable. You are stronger than you think. You have been beaten Sent three times to the hospital this year. You've endure more pain than any grade school bully After he goes home to show his drunk dad his report card. You woman, Take it all. And sometimes he rapes you But it was because he needed you. You said no too many times. He was scared that you didn't love him anymore. You understand. He is just misunderstood. People just don't get it. No one knows him like you do So they don't see the big picture. What are your tears, When others suffer too. Too much pain There are no tears left. He only cries in front of you. You haven't cried for years. Or maybe you cry everyday now. But you don't like to cry in front of him It upsets him You wish he could see how much he hurts you But you don't want to be blamed for his guilt He drinks a lot. He has a temper Just like his father Just like your father. Just like you do under lock and key Sometimes alcohol is a good chaser to the bad taste of pain It's the only time you feel comfortable being yourself around him. You don't like to talk about it anymore. In fact we don't talk about anything. I haven't seen you in a few months You never call. I wish you would just leave him. I wish it was that easy. I wish you knew how much I love you. I wish you knew how much it hurts to see you suffer. I wish I was stronger. I wish there was something I could do. RIP Domestic and Violently Abused Love Kills
I imagined for a few seconds, while I was waiting for my train, a conversation between me and a philosopher from the old ways of Greece or Rome. I imagined myself asking “what does it mean to be rich?” He responded eloquently in his white gown, “richness is not a matter of wealth rather a matter of pleasure.” I asked “well, can not pleasure be determined with what one can afford?” He responded smiling “yes… and no. Pleasure comes in all forms. A wealthy man can be without pleasure, and a poor woman can have as much pleasure as she pleases.” I imagined him pausing as he picked up a gold metal chalice to take a few big gulps of red wine. “Explore what is around you.” he said as he cleared his throat and puckered his lips. “You will find you do not need to buy a plane to fly or live in a palace to be happy. The world will present herself to you in time so long as you are both ready. Wealth is not richness, richness is best left as a way to describe food. Feed yourself. Trust that the gods will provide. That is if you know how to ask.”
Quite possibly the most beautiful vision I've ever had, came to me recently while I was still awake. Nature's brush strokes across every house and home. I saw the future in the most awe-inspiring way. There were no rulers, no bigots, no enemies. The only laws we had to measure were the laws of nature and the science of. It was our master. We were its consensual slave. We obeyed by its beautiful law. Everything was harmony. Everything was balance. And on a wall was a flag without color only words saying. I am earth, Mother, The ground you walk on I am the river that keeps you clean. I am the soil in which your bones will turn to dust Within me, lay the corpses of your ancestors I am your past, your present, but most of all your future I am the trees that shade you from blistered skins I am the plant that soothes your burns I am mother I feed all I am all I am the blood that runs through your veins The heart muscle the air in your lungs The wires in your brain We are the same. Treat me as you treat yourself Kill me and you kill yourself. I am destined to have you Hold you in my body I am mother I feed all I am all
I want to ask you to kiss me. Ask you to wet the surface of my lips Come closer to my body Guide my hand though strands of hair Unkept jungles, peaks and arches I want to map out the constellation of your mind So that when I sail throught your sorrows I will always know how to find you If I could build us a home I would Trace blueprints form your bones. Sketches of your soul. Become practiced and skilled with you Know every versant hill every arch, vally and peak I barely sleep with you in mind Blood boiling beneath my chest Like multen lava slithering it's way down the front of my body Keeping my extremities warm and conflicted Like a Crucible in my heart Flames strong enought to suite me into battle protect myself from the pain of not being with you Convinced rest will only come when I see you again How dizzy-drunk with desire I have become Poisoned and burned by lust and unwelcome adoration Breathless in its devotion for you Seeking to be there as you walk by An umbra to gaze into Unmistakably perfumed as you A shadow to your shadow Palm to my palm Finger painting peaks and arches, Twisted angles and curves Rising to feel the grip of my body reach around yours Squeezing inward. As if you were always falling away. I would never let you go. Kissing the soft arch of my back Purlicues full with the weighted nature of both of my breasts If I could just ask you to kiss me.
The easiest way to tell who you are Is by looking at the friends you keep. The company you seek. Because you are just one piece Of that whole god damn beast. When your friends cry You cry with them. And when your friends run You give them your number And say call me And I'll find you And when your friends are stuck You say fall on me I'll unbind you All my friends are fighters. The strongest warriors I have ever known Breaking bones with dreams alone Wise teachers with scars when they strip They show me not to absolve the wounds I might inflict. Carrying needle and thread at each of their hips Because their heart beat is too big for just one stitch I am so proud to be amongst this spirit To share this heart with you all I'm so glad we fight together Making it real to stand at all.
No! I'm the mother fucking Lorax I speak for the bees, These honey quaffing fleas don't got nothing on me! Please... I don't want your ragged old thneeds, I speak for the trees. I speak to the animals, The bears, And the weeds. And we messed up. So tear down those factories The awful smog pumping, billion dollar striptease. It's times like these Where nothing seems as it should be, Where we create to decimate What took so long to free. These lungs still breathe This heart still beats, See? See what has happened to the roots of our seed? I'm the Lorax And I speak for the breeze, The purple clouded, belly bearing breeze. To speak more specifically. Every time we cut past what we perceive as reality. The closer we press tightly Towards the open flame of insanity. So between you and me... Hold tight to your novelty You'll see things will work out eventually. Trust me.